Praying for Ansley

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Girl, Interrupted

I surprise even myself sometimes. I post, just yesterday about all the things I miss from home (even though we lack for nothing here!) and today, all I can think about is what I am going to miss from here when I return home! I'm not even sure I can say, specifically WHAT I will miss, but I'm going to try!
As I mentioned yesterday, I miss things from home that I don't even like that much - like my bed which is old and lumpy. Yes, I miss it. But I have been sad today knowing that this trip is winding down (still 2-3 weeks to go though) and I will most likely never return here. That makes me very sad!
This has been an incredible experience! I have had the pleasure to meet and spend time with some wonderful people! Masha is the best interpreter there is, that I am sure about. She has made this an experiene like no other I've ever had. She makes sure we have everything we need, and even some things we don't NEED but perhaps want. She always wants to make sure we are OK! Her father, Sasha, is one of the nicest people I know! I can't imagine too many men that I know having to patience to drive us around town every day for weeks on end. It makes Mom and I laugh to think about it actually! We've had the pleasure of meeting Masha's whole family, including her Mom and sister as well. Great, great people!!! They have all truly been a blessing.
We have an awesome lawyer who is in this business because she wants to see children get parents who love them. She works for you, she fights for you, and she is a friend to you. How many lawyers at home are our friends? (Sorry lawyers.... I don't mean any of YOU that are reading, of course...)
The caregivers at the baby house and all the doctors there, even the government officials have all been wonderful. They are all very nice woman and I will miss the opportunity to talk to them on occassion. I will want them to know how Maia is doing, and it's not like I'll be able to pop in and say hello. I will miss what they have to tell me about Maia.
I've met some other wonderful adoptive parents. It is truly a pleasure to share this experience with others who know what I have been through. Who know what it took to get here. Who will know what it takes when we are home to finish what we started. Who know how emotional a time it is here, and I'm sure this is only the beginning. I am so happy to have other parents to share all this with.
I miss my car and my grocery store, but I am going to MISS walking to the Iceberg and shopping at that wonderful, cute little store. I have gotten to know it pretty well. There is a new store, a HUGE store opening next to the Iceberg. I am sad that I'll never get to see what it is and I'll never get to shop in it.
I'm sad that I won't see this city in a season other than Winter. I am thrilled to have experienced it in the winter, because I don't get to experience winters like this in Virginia. I am not a winter person, and yet I wouldn't have this any other way. At the same time, this city would be gorgeous in the spring and summer with grass and flowers. I guess that means I'm sad I'm not staying longer to experience MORE seasons!
I am going to miss TV I don't understand and making up what I think they are saying. Sometimes, that's more entertaining than what is actually on.
I am going to miss the time to relax and have so much time to myself! That will certainly be out the window with a new child at home. But it gives you time to really rest and rejuvenate! Just what I needed! There are times here I wish I had more to do, and in the same breath, I'm glad I have nothing to do at the moment. This too shall end and then I'll wish for a quiet afternoon.
There are million more examples as well....
I don't know why I am always like this. When I leave home, I can't wait to get where I am going. To the beach to visit my parents, to Charleston to visit Regan and her family, to New York or Tennessee on vacation, or wherever. I can't wait to get there! Then, when the time is drawing near to come home, I can not WAIT to get home. As soon as I leave, I either cry my eyes out, or get really sad that I am leaving and won't be back for a while. I'm sad that the trip is over and the experience is behind me. I'm sad that I won't see 'the people' I've left for a while. I don't think it means that I'm never happy, I just think it means, there is no place like home, and yet all these things I've gotten to experience are truly amazing. I am truly grateful and hope I never forget the details.
So, I interrupt my own thoughts to say, yes I miss home, but I already miss Petropavlovsk as well, and I'm not even gone yet! Call me crazy...


Noah and Josh's Mom said...

It definitely is not crazy to miss Kazakhstan. I cried when we moved from our apartment to a hotel and when we were driving to the airport on our way home. I still find myself missing Kaz a lot. It was my home for 8.5 weeks, it became a piece of me. We will always hold a special place in our hearts for the birthplace of our beautiful children.


Judy said...

You're crazy. Just kidding. It's all very natural. The next chapter of your life is about to begin. I'm so glad I will get to be a part of it, pals. :)

Jennifer M said...

I've got tears in my eyes and a yearning in my heart. I can picture everything you describe so clearly. Like you, I wanted to get home, but now I feel a wave of homesickness when I think of Petro. There are a few places I call "home" in this world, and Petro is on my short list. It captured a piece of my heart.

Maybe you and I should plan a trip back when our girls are teenagers. How does that sound? :-)

Masha said...

Dear Kristen,
thank you so much for your words and thank you that you and your mom are like you are!
I nearly got tears into my eyes and nearly srated to miss Petropavlovsk after your words although I'm not leaving =)

Angela said...

What a sweet post! It is so important to identify the good things about every experience - especially this one. As a PAP I fear the unknown and reading posts like this make me feel less fearful and more adventurous and EXCITED!

And, I second Jennifer's suggestion, a trip back with Maia may be in order.