Death Wish

Wow – ever felt so bad that you wished you were dead? I got sick on Thursday afternoon, and although I certainly don’t really wish I were dead, there were a few hours when certain thoughts run through your mind… Luckily, those few hours were the worst of it and as of today, Saturday, I seem to have made an almost full recovery! Thank goodness! Anyway, that’s why I haven’t posted in a few days… high fever and stomach 'issues' will do that to you.

I wasn’t able to visit the baby on Friday, but Mom and Masha went without me. As I hear, she was her happy self, and in a cute dress (on top of all the other layers of clothing she is usually in as well!) I was sad to have missed seeing her, but barely moved from the couch the entire day, so it was best that I didn’t go. Although I didn’t move from the couch, I did manage to eat an entire banana and 10 corn flakes on Friday. Quite a feast compared to Thursday…

Today, Mom and I went to visit the baby, without Masha for the first time. It went well – and as usual – she was so happy and cute! She was in an outfit we hadn’t seen before – it fit her well, and the color looked great on her! (It was a lime green outfit, and I’m so glad it looks good on her since that is the color of her room!!) She enjoyed cookie time and playtime. I know I’m getting more and more excited for the day that I can take her and have her as ‘mine’. I’m excited to play with her somewhere besides the floor of the music room in the baby house. I’m excited to feed her some different things and see how she likes them. (A little at a time, of course!) It’s getting so close, and each day gets a little harder to leave her behind and not have her with us!

Sneak peek: cookie time

It has gotten ‘much’ warmer here and much of the snow and ice is melting. There are large puddles where the ice has melted and you have to walk through ‘deep’ water to get where you are going. It was prettier when it was totally icy because now the snow and slush is very dirty and gross looking, as it is in any city. It does make walking in some areas easier without the ice. On the other hand, some areas seem a little more slippery because they have a thin layer of water on top of the ice still on the sidewalk. The bottom line is, you need to be careful where you are walking no matter what. I guess it is MARCH, (can you believe it??) so at least in my mind, that means it’s time for it to warm up! We’re told it could very well snow some more in March however.

I made the albums today that I need to take to court with me on Monday. One album has a picture of the baby and me from every bonding day – and pictures of an official from the office of guardianship who also visited during our bonding period. (Necessary for court that she visited and witnessed the bonding.) The other album has pictures we brought from home of our family. We included pictures of almost everyone – Matthew, Kristen, Mom, Dad, Bobby, Regan, Joel, Marie, Caleb, Kate, Ezra, Grandma B., Grandpa G., Richard, Vicki, Virginia, Ken, Mavis, Charlie, and Rachel. There were birthday celebrations, fishing expeditions, beach adventures, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and new baby pictures! It makes me miss home all the more to look through pictures of people we’ve left behind for now. However, it also makes me happy to remember these happy times and I look forward to the next gathering when we are altogether with 3 new family members since the last time we were together. (Ezra, my baby, and Mavis’ to come any day!!) The family is growing, that’s for sure!

I am excited for court – I’m not nervous… yet! I’m sure tomorrow night will be a different story. The way it goes is this… I go to court Monday and I believe I get a ruling that day, before I leave the courthouse. This is a yes or no to my adoption of the baby. Assuming it is yes, there is then a 15 day waiting period before that decision goes in to effect. This is a time where certain things ‘can’ happen, but are unlikely to. I will still feel much better when those 15 days are over! (For example, the birthmother ‘could’ come and say she decided to keep the baby, but that will not happen in my case because the birthmother has not only refused her rights in writing, but also abandoned the baby, so she cannot now claim her. Another family member could also claim her, but since they all refused her as well for 14 months now, this is certainly not likely to happen.) I am told it is really my time to be able to say I decided not to adopt her… yeah, as if!! I wish I could waive MY right to this refusal/rescission period to speed this up by two weeks, ya know? But, I know it’s the way it is…

So, since the adoption is not FINAL until the 15 days are up, (March 18th, assuming a positive verdict on Monday, the 3rd) I cannot post a full picture until then… I KNOW. I want to post a picture as badly (I think) as some of you want to see one… I’m dying to show off my baby girl!! I’m running out of things to sneak peek too, but I’ll try to get creative and come up with some more parts to post! LOL.

Mom is working on her huge puzzle. It’s a picture of snow covered pine trees. An impossible puzzle if you ask me… I’m not interested. I like ones with variations where one has a chance to finish it in this lifetime. I finished a much smaller puzzle, and bought a new one this week that I will start Monday afternoon. Mom claims to get 6 pieces or so each time she sits at it, but I swear, she sits there all day (it seems) and nothing looks different to me… It hasn’t changed in days! Well, as long as she’s enjoying herself…